There was a report on CNN that said the temperature of the immediate atmosphere surrounding me all through today was the coldest it’s ever been in the universe.

Why is it that after I blow my nose, there is booger carnage in my nostrils, visible to all who are within a mile and have an unobstructed view of my face?
I can’t blow my nose in public anymore. I can’t even wipe it, because there’s booger carnage with that too.
I see people blow [...]